Does the mother have to allow the father to see the children if he refuses to drop them off without his girlfriend present?

Question

picked my children up from their dads yesterday afternoon. I dropped them off on Friday evening as he refused to collect or drop them off. I asked him to drop them off on Sunday 0.5 miles from his house so walking distance he told me if I didn’t collect them he would keep them. So I picked them up his girlfriend then proceeded to chase me down the road screaming at me whilst I was putting my children into the car. I continued to walk away to put my children in the car and told her I would not talk to her in front of my children. My daughter was very upset last night by this saying she was scared of her, my other daughter has wet the bed she never wets the bed but has the past 3 times after coming home from his house. I will not have my children around this woman again but their dad is a manipulative control freak and will not have them without her being there. We have no court order in place, he has been abusive physically and mentally to me in the past. Legally where do I stand? The health visitor told me I don’t have to allow him to see them without a court order is this correct?

Colin Williams · Accepted Answer

Nq if your concerned about safeguarding you don't have to allow contact then he can file to court for access. It'd be mediation first. I'd contact child services have all logged aswell as to why stopped contact. This is what I did anyway.

Answer

Nq just a mum whose been through family court. I would tell him in writing your concerns about the gf being around the children listing them all but making it child focused. So not ‘I know she’s shouting at them’ more ‘the children have told me they are upset by her shouting’. On the off chance he takes it to court I would continue to make the kids available for him to see them but somewhere supervised like soft play. So tell him the kids will be there at x at x time for him to see them. And keep a record of it and when he comes or doesn’t.

Richard Bernard

7th April 2022

1 upvote

Answer

Social work qualified (and also previously worked for a national DV charity for many years)- you can simply say "you cannot see them without a court order". However, please bear in mind that if he has PR, and with no PSO or other court order in place, he can pick up the children from wherever and not return them to you too I.e. school/
childcare.
Speak to SS about concerns re: dad's girlfriend, particularly as this is not the first time and it shows that you are legitimately safeguarding your children from harm.
If he is continuing to use the children as a means to coercively control you (which it sounds as though he is), it will be worth exploring different options via a DV support line like the National Domestic Abuse helpline, or the National Centre for Domestic Violence.

Answer

NQ: On one side, children will say whatever they feel, to get attention, however on the other side, it takes that one moment to change their life for the better, coz we as parents, will never know which moment is crucial, so its always best to take them serious and investigate to find the truth. In this situation, without Court, there is a valid reason to prevent contact with the GF. With the father, I'd speak to him with out her being present, and voice your concerns. However if you feel he won't listen, contact mediation, and prepare yourself for court just in case. More likely he may apply for court. You could apply to court yourself before he does. Try and avoid contacting social services until you've spoken to a solicitor, as SS may add more fuel to the issue.

Stacey Vargas

7th April 2022

1 upvote

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